It took forever to get here and was gone in a flash. Sadly, DLBT 2011 Baltimore came and went as fast as you can say "Last stop, boys. Gotta get off the train".
Every year we start the countdown. 3 months! 2 months! 1 month! You get the picture. It seems like years in between trips (for some, that is more literal) and once we pack up the car(s) and head out we are on our way back home in what seems like minutes. It goes by too quickly, but I think we all can agree by Sunday morning we are ready to come home (that's how you suck up to your wife btw).
Unlike last year when we played golf before leaving town, this year with the nine hour drive ahead of us, we packed the clubs and decided to play in Baltimore. So Thursday was basically a drive day. Nothing too exciting. We arrived at our hotel around 5:00. If Shane had his way, we'd have pulled a Harry and Lloyd and headed the opposite direction back toward Cincy after getting off for gas one time. Apparently Mr. T caught this almost mistake at the last minute and corrected Shane before he got back on the west bound expressway.
Following our check in was the now traditional dinner at Chili's which was even nicer this year as the hotel obliged in building a brand new Chili's attached to the Holiday Inn. How nice are they??? I believe Fish got his first taste of the Chili's queso which we all scarfed down in record time. I could be wrong, but I also think Fish wanted to eat the queso for every meal following. After dinner, nothing too exciting, just some cornhole, cigars, and pops in the hotel parking lot...that's how we roll, Flipper.
Friday morning...9:02 and 9:10 tee times at
Pine Ridge Golf Course which was conveniently 10 minutes from the hotel. It was a nice course, probably a few too many doglegs but passable especially since we had no clue what it was going to look like from the website. The team of Jason, Matt, Fish, and Jeff (*mostly* putting due to the broken arm) beat Paul, Shane, and Keith (and some random dude who got paired up with them at the last minute) -1 to +1 (so says Keith) and thus got free lunch at the course. It was a beautiful day out on the links and again the golf was an enormous success. Hard to believe it took so long to figure out the addition of golf.
*Mostly: when you try to hit some chip shots because you moronically think your arm that has only been broken and repaired for just 3 weeks is healthy enough to ground a golf club...bad idea!!!!
Some beautiful swings for you...
And one guy who had some explaining to do when his wife saw this pic...
Post pic...
After lunch at the course, it was quickly back to the hotel (sing along) for showers and then downtown to catch the ball game. We took the light rail which was right down the street from the hotel and dropped us off next to the stadium. Cool idea...well, until...oh, you'll just have to wait.
The Blue Jays beat the Orioles 5-4 but the game itself was pretty boring seeing as we were there to sample the fare and check out the stadium itself. We did have awesome seats though...
see? front row center field right by Boog's BBQ and all the wonderful aromas by the warehouse in right field. Shane and I decided it was time to feed our fat arses and Boog's is where we went as you can see here...
and here (what do you want from me??)
Some other pics of us strange people...
never mind that nosy lady in the background giving us the weird look.
Oh, the ball park itself? Almost forgot...
warehouse behind right field...
behind home (duh!)
Hey, thanks!!
All in all a great place and you can definitely see why the rest of baseball seemingly stole the Orioles' idea to create a retro ball park. It's still one of the best.
After the game we met this guy...
We asked him how to get back to the train and the only thing he said was "Prediction? Pain!" So we just bought a few of his pencils and moved on.
The rest of the night was played out at the hotel as we were all quite tired from golf and the ball game. But it didn't stop four of us from a rousing game of euchre and that "new" movie Aliens (still scary to this day). Keith, who didn't get in on the game, sat and watched Aliens, but admitted he was only still awake because "I don't want to miss anything". Well, the only thing he saw was euchre and Aliens...and nothing else. He gave in at 2:00 am...the rest of us 3:00 am.
Saturday morning...breakfast at Bob Evans because the hotel free (for a reason) breakfast stopped at 9:30 and we had no chance of making that. So we headed to Bob's where we got abused by our waitress. She had a special place in her heart for Keith who ordered a "diet water" but ultimately got a chocolate milk...then she brought him a refill and proceeded to smack him by saying "here's another diet chocolate milk for you" that got a nice reaction from the table.
After breakfast we headed back to downtown Baltimore to do some sightseeing and try to take a tour of Camden Yards. Upon walking up to the ticket window we got the "sorry, folks...park's closed" treatment and were sent away with our tails between our legs. So what to do? Saturday afternoon. Vacation. 7 dudes.
Pickles Pub!!
(First) Arrival approximately 2:00pm. (First) departure around 4:30. In between - 3 beers and a nice time talking with the lovely Alissa who was our bartender but more importantly put up with our crap (bad jokes and obnoxious arguments).
Obnoxious boys...
Off to Inner Harbor to see the sights. Not much really unless you like upscale stores and restaurants. But still nice to see the water and they did have some cool things to see.
And then...
If you've never been to a Dick's Last Resort before, you're in for a rude awakening.
Matt: "I'm a little uncomfortable. The bartender and the customer just got into an argument."
Keith: "The host was a little rude. What's the deal with that?"
The whole theme of this place is that they are mean to you, and you have to take it. Trust me, at first you're taken a little back by it. By the end of the night, you're pretty much having a great time. Unless you can't take a joke or aren't a hat type of person.
(Note: due to the graphic nature of said "hats" I will not be able to show you what I'm talking about. Just assume these hats they make you wear are vulgar, offensive, rude, and hilarious...again if you can take a joke. Sorry, the next portion of this post is being censored by the FCC)
But a quick summation: tiny, speedy, pokey, sheep, golden girl, brokeback, and restraining order are NOT the new Seven Dwarfs.
What next? How about a storm, getting soaked, and a quick (and almost deadly) cab ride back to...Pickles Pub. Assuredly Alissa was pleased as punch to see our band of misfits return.
Another quick (and censored) rundown: someone fell off a stool, security, emergency credit card, dilf, accountant, pickle juice, and 11 shots (EACH!!!) later we headed/stumbled back to the light rail to return home.
Enter disarray....
Light rail schedule said the last train runs at 1:06 am. At 12:45, about half way back to the hotel, we stop at a depot, wait a minute or two longer than we should, then the driver/conductor/whatever he's called walks back through the train and says "that's it, guys...time to go". What?!?! "Train's done running for the night. Gotta go" Who? what? huh??? "We're not at our stop yet. Will another train come by later?" Chuckling "I don't think so".
So there we are...7 dudes in the middle of nowhere/ghetto/murderville in the rain and completely LOST. Are we dead? Most assuredly we're dead. So we just start walking. To where? At 1:00 am I'm not sure exactly where we were headed. Thankfully we saw a cab who called in another close by cab and they got us back to our original light rail station - a nice 25 minute ride. I cannot, nor do I want to, imagine how long that walk would have taken. Suffice to say it was the best $45 cab ride ever.
Oh but that wasn't it for Saturday night. Oh no. Keith decided it would be fun to plop down on the bed and fall down in between the wall and the bed. He got stuck and, well, it was damn funny. Then, in what may become a new tradition, we ordered pizza at 2:00am. This time it came a LOT faster and apparently the driver made the pizza in his car because that was the HOTTEST pizza ever! But boy did it taste great! And eating pizza is better than dying in the ghetto I think.
Sadly, the Baltimore portion of the trip did not end there. Sunday morning. Everyone congregating in the lobby. Waiting on Jason to come down and with him bring the cooler. Elevator doors open, out walks Jason with his bag and cooler in tow. He approaches the group, slows down, and while stopping the cooler (or so he thought), it hit the corner of the mat in front of the automatic doors and tipped over. Unfortunately it was not empty. Well it was after the contents were unceremoniously dumped onto the Holiday Inn lobby floor (ice, melted ice, beer, etc.) in a pool. It was a nice cap to the trip...and a clear indicator that we needed to GO!!!
What followed was the quietest 9 hour car ride ever back home. Gee the car rides to the cities always are lively and loud. Funny how the return ride is very much the opposite.
That's it for DLBT 2011. Next year has not yet been determined, but Minnesota is the clubhouse leader. That 12 hour drive might put a crimp in those plans. But we have a while to decide. Either way, no matter where we go it will be a blast...even if we go to Arby's.
